The last personal post, before I committed blog suicide, was my “Praying for Trials” post. That was a deeply personal post and I am so grateful for the support I was given from it. The posts that I will be sharing about the events that have happened during my blog disappearance will be equally personal. I want to talk about them because writing is a therapy and I want to help anyone that may be struggling with similar issues. I won't be able to talk about everything, but I will talk about most things as they become easier for me to deal with and overcome. If there is anyone out there going through similar challenges or can relate in any way, I want you to know you are not alone. There were so many times that I felt like I was alone and had no one to turn to except for The Man Upstairs. Essentially, He is enough. However, it’s still always nice to have someone here on this earth that you can talk to. If even one person benefits or finds strength from the difficult lessons I have learned in the last year, then I will consider my struggles to have meaning.
Last year, I had to press charges against a babysitter in March; had a cancer scare in October; struggled to understand a prompting that haunted me all year; separated from my husband and was on the verge of divorce In November; and ended the year not wanting to get out of bed, having suicidal thoughts running through my head and on depression medication. Although all of these issues have been extremely difficult to deal with, some are easier to talk about than others. I will not be discussing the details of my marital issues on this blog, those are extremely personal to me. What I will say about marriage is that, no one ever told me it was going to be this hard. Whoever coined the term "and they lived happily ever after" should be strung up and hung from a tree. Every marriage has its issues and they are all HARD. The last year of my marriage has been harder than I ever imagined. I want to be clear, I am not in any way blaming my husband. I have been responsible for many of the difficult issues we have been through but, it came to a point that I realized that there was no one else that I wanted to walk through hell with but the man that I knelt across the alter from.
“True Love” is not what the media makes it out to be. It's not hot passionate sex; it's not love at first sight; it's not happily ever after; it's not even being in love all the time. Something I heard someone say to a couple who was just married is, "This is the person you will fall in and out of love with for the rest of your life." It’s so true. If you’re marrying someone because you are so in love with them, you are going to be disappointed. Marry someone who you are willing to love trough the difficult situations, when you’re not IN love with them. Eventually, all sparks die and you are left with an individual that you have to work hard to love and make your life together the best that it can be; a partner who is meant to be there through thick and thin; someone who is there to bear your burdens with you; someone who will be willing to pick you up when you’re down and when your life is falling apart. Just because the sparks are gone and you're not IN love doesn't mean you give up, or that you can't work hard to rekindle the flame. “True Love” is that old couple walking down the street hand in hand; the old man who holds his wife as she takes her last breath; the old woman who spoon feeds her husband because he cannot do it himself anymore. “True Love” is that couple that sticks together through hell and fire, affairs, the death of a child, cancer, struggling teenagers and any other difficult situation. Love is a choice not a feeling. It is the image of a couple that walks through hell together and comes out on the other side hand in hand.-quote from the man who has helped me through my year of hell. Dean nixon over at Turning Leaf
I Linked to:
I love you. So much. You are amazing and I loved every word. It is so true HE has a plan for us and he is by our side. Stay strong girl! Love you!
ReplyDeleteI think (& have always thought) that you are simply amazing!!! Trials & all. I'm glad you were able to turn to Him & allow him to help you. I'm also glad that things are starting to look up.
ReplyDeleteBless you for sharing this. What you quoted about falling in and out of love with the same person puts it so well what marriage is all about. I am going to share this with my son and his girlfriend. Thank you,
ReplyDeleteWow. Thanks for sharing. It is always good to know that people are real and no one is exempt from hard times. I think you will touch people and give hope to someone out there.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHey, Robin. Thanks for your post. It helps to put things into perspective. You made me think about how coal, after suffering through intense heat and pressure in the bowels of the earth, becomes a diamond.
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine the year that you've endured! Wow!
ReplyDeleteI stumbled upon this while browsing a link party. Thank you so much for this post. Words cannot express how much I NEEDED to read this today! Thank you for letting me know I am not alone in my personal struggles. God bless you.
ReplyDelete