My Year From Hell

The last personal post, before I committed blog suicide, was my “Praying for Trials” post. That was a deeply personal post and I am so grateful for the support I was given from it. The posts that I will be sharing about the events that have happened during my blog disappearance will be equally personal. I want to talk about them because writing is a therapy and I want to help anyone that may be struggling with similar issues. I won't be able to talk about everything, but I will talk about most things as they become easier for me to deal with and overcome.  If there is anyone out there going through similar challenges or can relate in any way, I want you to know you are not alone. There were so many times that I felt like I was alone and had no one to turn to except for The Man Upstairs. Essentially, He is enough.  However, it’s still always nice to have someone here on this earth that you can talk to. If even one person benefits or finds strength from the difficult lessons I have learned in the last year, then I will consider my struggles to have meaning.

Last year, I had to press charges against a babysitter in March; had a cancer scare in October; struggled to understand a prompting that haunted me all year; separated from my husband and was on the verge of divorce In November; and ended the year not wanting to get out of bed, having suicidal thoughts running through my head and on depression medication. Although all of these issues have been extremely difficult to deal with, some are easier to talk about than others. I will not be discussing the details of my marital issues on this blog, those are extremely personal to me. What I will say about marriage is that, no one ever told me it was going to be this hard. Whoever coined the term "and they lived happily ever after" should be strung up and hung from a tree. Every marriage has its issues and they are all HARD. The last year of my marriage has been harder than I ever imagined. I want to be clear, I am not in any way blaming my husband. I have been responsible for many of the difficult  issues we have been through but, it came to a point that I realized that there was no one else that I wanted to walk through hell with but the man that I knelt across the alter from. 

“True Love” is not what the media makes it out to be. It's not hot passionate sex; it's not love at first sight; it's not happily ever after; it's not even being in love all the time. Something I heard someone say to a couple who was just married is, "This is the person you will fall in and out of love with for the rest of your life." It’s so true. If you’re marrying someone because you are so in love with them, you are going to be disappointed. Marry someone who you are willing to love trough the difficult situations, when you’re not IN love with them.  Eventually, all sparks die and you are left with an individual that you have to work hard to love and make your life together the best that it can be; a partner who is meant to be there through thick and thin; someone who is there to bear your burdens with you; someone who will be willing to pick you up when you’re down and when your life is falling apart. Just because the sparks are gone and you're not IN love doesn't mean you give up, or that you can't work hard to rekindle the flame. “True Love” is that old couple walking down the street hand in hand; the old man who holds his wife as she takes her last breath; the old woman who spoon feeds her husband because he cannot do it himself anymore. “True Love” is that couple that sticks together through hell and fire, affairs, the death of a child, cancer, struggling teenagers and any other difficult situation. Love is a choice not a feeling. It is the image of a couple that walks through hell together and comes out on the other side hand in hand.-quote from the man who has helped me through my year of hell. Dean nixon over at Turning Leaf 

 At the moment that I knelt down and prayed for trials, I knew the next year would be difficult. In my mind, I thought I was submitting my will to the Lords.  In the last year and a half, not once have I asked “why me?” These were definitely not the trials I was expecting, but they are what I asked for.  Is my difficult year over? Probably not. I am still going through some things I would never wish upon any parent, and still working out some difficult kinks in my marriage. And still, I never ask “why me?” because I know that the Lord is taking a rock that was once rough and had sharp edges and polishing it down until it is smooth and beautifully perfect in its own way. Because that’s the way he meant it to be. The scriptures say that “All of these things shall be for your good." Through the experiences I have had in my life, I’ve learned to trust the Lord. I know that he is there. I know that he hears our prayers. I know that he has a plan for me, for you, and for the world. His plan is better than any plan we could have come up with on our own, simply because He can see things we can't.  He knows things we don't. Trust Him and everything will work out in a way that will benefit you the most. It may not be the happy ever after you expected or wished for all your life, but you will have learned difficult lessons you could not have learned any other way, which will make you a better person and help you to become who the Lord intended you to be. What I know without a doubt and something that has been proven to me over the last year is that the Lord, is always with us. He knows our burdens and He is there and willing to bear them with us if we are willing to let Him. I know that I can get through anything with Him by my side.

I Linked to:

http://katherinescorner.com

http://tatertotsandjello.com

http://too-much-time.com

http://www.raisingmemories.com

http://www.flamingotoes.com

http://www.niftythriftythings.com

http://thefoleyfam.com

http://lambaround.blogspot.com

http://suburbsmama.blogspot.com

Buyer's Justification/ BIG Savers Sale!

We are in California and I just can't help myself!!! I have an addiction!!!

Every time I walk out of Savers I think holy cow how did I spend that much! I feel the same way when I go to Costco except I walk out spending over $100 with only 5 items in my cart. At least when I shop at Savers I walk out with the largest bags the store offers, over flowing with clothes that won't be digested in my stomach and turned into waste in a few hours. Seriously, Spending money on food is so pointless. ... bedsides the fact that it keeps us alive. 

When shopping at Savers, here is the biggest piece of advice I can give you. Don't EVER, EVER, EVER shop at Savers without a coupon!!!!  That should be the 11th commandment. If you donate just a small bag of things you have no use for anymore you can get a 20% off coupon. They also have several other ways to get discounts. At least one day of the week they give club card members 25% off and senior citizens get 30% off. Every once in a while they also have a 50% off day!  
Listen to me very carefully. This is so very, VERY extremely important. We are about to make a fashion covenant with each other. You and me.  Right here and right now. Don't worry this is not awkward at all. When shopping at Savers never walk into that store and pay full price for anything!  Never walk in without having a way to get a discount on whatever you pick out! If you do you are just throwing away money that you could have spent on more clothes... or groceries... I guess.... But only if there is any money left over ;)

Now every time I go to Costco I have extreme Buyers Remorse. Can you tell how much I hate spending money on food? Don't get me wrong I LOVE food. I would just rather spend my money on something I get to keep.For me There is no Buyers Remorse when it comes to spending money at Savers. However, there is such thing as a Buyers Justification. Today our total came to $190. However, I had a punch card that gave me 30% off which saved me $56 dollars. Here's where your Buyers Justification comes in. My final total ended up being $134. Again I felt a little tinge of guilt/shame for how much I was spending, but as I looked at the computer that displayed my purchase info, I realized I had bought 30 items, saved $60 at SAVERS, saved even more than that had I bought everything retail, and got some amazing deals and cute styles for me, my girls, and my husband. I took my total cost and divided it by my total number of  items purchased and came out with a $4.50 Buyers Justification or average cost per item,(Otherwise known as my way of making myself feel better about how much money I spent.) At $4.50 my guilt and shame have disappeared and I can't wait to show you all what I found!

Here's a few sneek peek pics of what I found.

           

        

         

         

ALSO!!!! VERY IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE  INFORMATION!!!!

Today as we were checking out we were given a friends and family invitation to their exclusive after hours shopping event celebrating their 60th Anniversary. During this event, all clothes and shoes are 60% and everything else is 30% !!!!! (do all my explanation points help you understand how excited I am!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) You must have the invite to get in! If you have time today get over there to get an invite. You have to spend $30 to get it. (Buy and return if you really have to so you can get the invite SHHHHH! I didn't say that) DON'T FORGET TO DONATE SO YOU CAN GET 20% OFF OF THE $30 YOU SPEND! They are holding the celebration March 16th (Yes, thats a Sunday :( not sure I will be going)from 7:00 to 9:00pm. If you can make it I would love to see some of your fashion finds!!!

Fashion On A Dime

I am so sad that winter is over. I love fall fashion so much more than summer fashion. Its still cool enough on somedays to wear pants so I may try to sneak a few Fall fashion posts in here.

I wore this outfit the other day. The picture was unplanned. I knew I wanted to start the blog back up and I liked the outfit I had on so I stepped out on the back porch and had my hubby snap a quick picture. 

Hot pink Blazer- $5 at D.I.

Navy blue tank top- $2 dollars at the D.I.

Gray Jeans- $10 Clearance sale at Rue 21

Nude strappy shoes- $4.99 at Savers

Gold Necklace- $4.50 Clearance sale at Rue 21

Total outfit cost is $26.50

DPWF is $2.65

Link parties I may have linked to:

http://twothirtyfivedesigns.com/?br=http://twothirtyfivedesigns.blogspot.com/

http://www.504main.com/

http://shanaandadam.blogspot.com/

http://www.thelifeofthepartyblog.com/
http://thepleatedpoppy.com/

http://tatertotsandjello.com

http://www.sixsistersstuff.com/
http://getyourprettyon.com/
http://katherinescorner.com

http://too-much-time.com/

Forget Me Not

 As you all know, this last year has been extremely difficult for me (hence the absence of my posts). At the end of 2013, I could not do it on my own anymore and needed some assistance from a tiny little pill. DUN, DUN, DUN. Yes, Zoloft, the depression medication is what I am talking about. I know, none of us like to admit it to the world but sometimes we need that extra push to get us through a difficult day, a difficult trial or simply this difficult life. Now, I am a little green at this and did not realize how important it was to take my tiny little pill EVERY day. I was headed down to my parent’s house to help them pack for an upcoming move and realized I forgot my medication. After two days of not having it I felt fine and thought,well maybe I don't need it after all, UNTIL we were on our way back from Vegas and my toes got rolled up in the window. Yes, you read that right. My husband rolled my toes up in the window! Just let me tell you how it happened: We have a ghetto traveling car that has almost 200 thousand miles on it. The A/C also doesn't work that well on the car so when we just can’t stand it, we crack the windows. Now I am the type of person that always has their feet up on the dashboard. This time I decided to stick my little piglets out of the cracked window so I could feel the wind between my toes. After about ten minutes, my husband decided it was time to roll the windows up without telling me (obviously he forgot my toes were still hanging out in the wind...I think). Now since the window was only cracked, I didn't have a lot of time to react. Fear came over me that I couldn't get my toes out in time. In my mind I imagined the razor sharp window, like a knife, slicing through my sausages. (I am very imaginative as you can tell) Once my toes where caught and the pain began to surge through my veins, my first thought was that my husband’s idioticness now had my toes trapped and dangling out the window. The emotions that followed next are the reason that I now hear my depression meds calling my name every morning. At first, I was shocked. How could he have forgotten that my cute, precious, little piglets were still out in the wind!! Then as I started to scream at the pain of having my toes pinched in the window I became angry. As I angrily screamed at my husband, he gave me this look of being offended like "How could you yell at me?" At that, I become irate and flabbergasted all at the same time. My toes are pinched in the window and he wants to get offended that I am screaming at him?!?! When, he FINALLY realizes that I am in pain and releases my toes from the jaws of death. He then apologized and sincerely reassured me that he had completely forgotten that my toes were getting some fresh air and that he felt terrible. At which, I folded my arms and said "You should be."After quietly fuming and replaying the last 10 seconds in my head I burst out in hysterical laughter because my toes were literally just rolled up in the window... seriously, that’s just funny. As I looked over and saw that my husband was not laughing and didn't even crack the slightest smile, a terrible wave of guilt washed over me because I thought, it was possible, I had reacted a little harshly. MAYBE... just a tad. I began to sob uncontrollably. At that, I realized in a matter of two minutes I had been through every emotion possible and this could possibly be a side effect of coming off my depression meds. (Note to self: When it comes time to say goodbye to the pills I should probably wean myself off of them and not quite cold turkey... for the sake for my family) And the moral of the story is....... There is no moral, I am just grateful my little piglets weren't decapitated. Hope you enjoy your day!

My toes

 ;) Just Kidding

Linked to:

http://www.sixsistersstuff.com/

Farmhouse Table #2!

Does anyone remember Farmhouse table #1??? 

Here is a link to the more detailed tutorial (HERE). The difference between this tutorial and farmhouse table #2 is that we didn't have to go through the challenge of using the massive C clamps and I also used a chalk paint that contained a secret ingredient....oooooooooo!!!!

Originally I had wanted Farmhouse table #1 to have white legs but I let my hubby talk me into lpainting it so it matched the cabinets. Eventually I got really tired of the rustic style and wanted to lighten the house up with more whites so the first place I started was the table. I sold the old table and found this one at a garage sale for $35 dollars.  

Again, what I loved about this table was the thick legs. Before you find a table you like make sure that the table top can be removed! I would hate for you to buy a table without looking to see if the top comes off and later when its too late find out that it doesn't! (Do they all? I'm not sure but just in case, take a peek).

We started by turning the table over and unscrewing the top. At that point it was just the base of the table and the legs. If you need more detailed pictures, head to the tutorial for farmhouse table #1 (HERE)

I also used chalk paint to paint the legs. I had never used chalk paint and wanted to see what everyone was going nuts about. DO NOT GO BUY EXPENSIVE CHALK PAINT!!!! There are reciepes all over the internet that tell you how to make it. Pretty much all chalk paint is is a slightly watered down paint with a few table spoons of plaster or paris, or unsanded grout. On my chairs I tried a plaster of paris and wasn't a huge fan. After reading up more,  I found a blog called Crystelle Boutique that uses cornstarch. CLICK HERE for get reciepe! I love this idea because it's a common house hold item and you don't have to buy a big bag of it. I also LOVED the way it turned out. The paint sticks better, it paints smoother with less brush strokes and its softer to the touch. I also haven't  had any chips in the paint. My chairs are chipping already. BOO! 

After the legs dry you will have to run a FINE grit sanding block over everything. Finally, you will use a wax to finish it off. I used old t-shirts with this process. if you are using it on a project you painted white make sure to use a white t-shirt. I had a little trouble with colored fibers against the white. All you have to do is get a little wax on your rag and rub it on. Wax on type of thing

 After painting and waxing the legs and base of the table we ran to Home Depot to pick out some wood for the top of our table. We used 4 8x2 boards that were 6 feet long and 12 inches wide. We had them cut 4 inches off the end right there at the store. The key to not having to use the enormous sea clamps is laying your wood out on the floor at the store. Make sure the wood lays flat and is not warped in any way. After choosing four good pieces, lay them side by side to make sure they fit snug and that there are no major spaces in between each board. We did not distress this table. In the orignial Farmhouse table post there is a great You Tube tutorial you can check out for distressing. 

After getting the wood home we immidiately sanded and stained the wood and screwed the table top on that day. In the first tutorial I waited a month between buying the wood and actually starting on the project. BAD IDEA! By that time the wood had warped and it was really hard to get the wood to fit snug, hence the large obnoxious sea clamps that I hate so much! To make sure the planks stay snug  C.J. drilled holes in the side for dowels and used wood glue to glue the dowels in to keep the pieces of wood together. Here is a picture that might explain this process a little bit better.

 

 After that is done to every plank and your wood glue is dry you will screw your new table top to the table base using the same method and hardware the old table had. If you really want to you can add a few 2x4's to the underneath of your table top to make sure the boards are secure and don't drift away from each other over time. If you do this just make sure your screws are not longer than your wood! 

Here is my finished table. I am working on the chairs right now.

 Does anyone remember these? My mom bought 8 of these chairs at a garage sale for me for $100 dollars. I paid $12.50 per chair! I sold the two captain chairs to a friend for $25 a piece so I already made half my money back. I cant wait to FINALLY get these chairs done and show you what the look like!

Here is a list of bloggers that I occasionally link my project:

http://www.shabbynest.blogspot.com/

http://www.artsyfartsymama.com/

http://chiconashoestringdecorating.blogspot.com/

http://romantichome.blogspot.com/

http://www.simplydesigning.net/

http://www.504main.com/

http://tatertotsandjello.com

http://www.sixsistersstuff.com/

Quietly Working

It has been over a year since my last post and almost a year and a half since my Praying for Trials post. This last year and a half has been full of some of the most difficult trials I have ever been through. I have been tried and tested beyond what I ever imagined I could handle. I have learned some very difficult lessons. Ones that I could not have been learned any other way. I don't know if anyone will ever get the entire story but I hope to one day be able to tell my story of everything that has happened in this last year and a half. Until then, know that I am quietly working on myself and crafting just a tiny bit here and there. Here are some of the projects I have worked on in the last year and a half!

I have been trying to incorperate more white in my house to lighten things up. I started with my kitchen table. Instead of a glazed cream that matched my cabinets I wanted the legs to be white. So I sold my first barn house table and started a second! I will do another tutorial because this time I didn't use the enormous sea clamps which made the project much easier.

I also had these two old doors laying around I cleaned them up stained the wood and they are currently being used as somewhat of a headboard. However I have other future plans for these!

Now this was one of my favorite projects. I wish I had a better picture but this will have to do for now until the tutorial. My mom found this mirror at a garage sale for $50. The fireplace I found at a garage sale for $5 dollars!!! It was a bit of a piece but with some tender love and care I gave it a new look. I had my first tuffting experience with the center cushion and loved every second of it! More on that to come also!

Here is another of my favorite transformations. I found 2 of these chairs at D.I for $45 dollars a piece. This project was tedious and time consuming but well worth it in the end!

          Before                     After

My final and largest project was helping my friend Shelbie complete her kitchen. I love the vision we came up with and the sleek look! Amazing before and after!

 I hope to be continuing on with the blog at a slower but steady pace. I have to learn to balance. Being a Mommy Blogger can be incredibly time consuming. I can get obsessive over it at times but what I want to remember most as I start to pick up the blogging pieces is that my family comes first. My motto for right now is, No one on their death bed ever said I wish I had blogged more! My kids and my husband deserve me. I want to give them that but I also what to be able to create a balance between them and continuing to live my dreams.

Praying for Trials

I am not sure if any of you remember this post but it was deleted a little while back. Here it is one more time because I will be talking about it in the upcoming post

Praying for Trials

I seriously doubt anyone reads this blog anymore because of my neglectful nature towards it but lately I have been trying to take it easy and I feel like writing. This has been a weird 2 months for me. I must admit I am just like my father and I like to fill my schedule so full that it's bursting at the seams. Several

weeks ago that overfilled schedule exploded and I refuse to pick up the busy pieces that are left behind. For the entire month of September I have done nothing but sit on my couch and sulk. We all have times that we sit back and reflect upon our lives and wonder where we are going. For most people it only lasts a day but for some reason my sulky attitude has lasted this entire month! I have dropped everything that was not a necessity. Everything but my husband and kids and believe me there were days where I wanted to drop those responsibilities too. Trying to fix myself and my poor attitude I have been doing alot of scripture reading and sitting by myself thinking about how I want this life of mine to turn out. I have had a pretty easy life thus far and I know that no one gets off that easy. Deep down I feel that there will be mountains to climb and very difficult lesson to learn ahead of me. Maybe I have an idea of what those trials may be but maybe I am dead wrong. Whatever they are they have been giving me the most uneasy feeling. While I was reading past confrence talks I ran across a talk that struck me. It was given by Elder Henery B. Eyring and it was called Mountains to Climb. He talked about praying for trials. At first I thought "what a strange concept, praying for bad things to happen to me? Who would want to do that?" but then I remembered the uneasy feeling that I keep in the back of my mind. The thought of getting down on my knees came to me but I quickly pushed it out of my mind. I knew that if I prayed for trials that life would only get harder and thats not what I needed. I needed my life to get easier. Ignoring my instincts I went about my day, my week, the rest of the month all the while that little talk kept popping in my mind and I kept pushing it out. What if the trails that come are not ones I am expecting or want?  What if they are the trials I know I can't overcome. Tired of worrying about it I finally gave into the ever nagging prompting and got on my knees. I wanted to get it over with I wanted to start my hike up whatever mountain was coming so that I could hurry and be done with it.

The next day I got a call from the Bishopric asking that my husband and I come into meet with one of them. Knowing that this meant a new calling I was a little frustrated. C.J. and I both held major callings in the church. He was the Sunday School President and I was the Compassionate Service Leader and now they were going to give us ANOTHER calling. I was already struggling to keep up with the one I had! Once we got in the second counselors office I was ecstatic to find out that they were releasing me as the Compassionate Service Leader. My excitement was short lived though. When he told me what my calling was, I remember it like he was that chubby little red headed kid on the movie Sand Lot. G-O-S-P-E-L   D-O-C-T-R-I-N-E   T-E-A-C-H-E-R............... what?! I heard it but it didn't make any sense in my mind. I heard my husband gasp. After all he was the Sunday School President and he would never suggest such a thing. Surely the Bishopric would know better than to call ME as the Gospel Doctrine Teacher! The only reason I know the stories in the scriptures is because I had a diligent Mother that read them to me and I loved watching the animated scripture movies when I was a kid. I sat there in shock thinking this is a joke. They wouldn't call me. I am a mom with two kids. The ward was full of teachers and scholars why would they call me. When it finally sank in that he was serious the tears started to well up in my eyes. How could they do this to me! I hate talking in front of people. I am probably the youngest married adult in the ward. What did I know that they didn't! As the second counselor asked if I would accept the calling I put my face into my hands and the tears started rolling. Through my sobs I told him My Father taught me never to say no to a calling and that I would give it a try. After leaving the office I attempted to control my emotions as we walked into the chapel but couldn't. I handed over the baby to my husband and left him to fend for himself during the sacrament meeting where I was sustained without being present. I ran out the building doors and thought "What in the world are you thinking Heavenly Father" This was definitely not the trial I had anticipated. I ran down the street in high heels and a skirt and found a shady spot under a tree where I could sit and stew over what I felt was an impossible task. After sitting there for a while the words of my Sister-in-Law, who had just watched her 5 year old daughter suffer through multiple chemo and radiation treatments for a brain tumor, came to my mind.

You can do hard things.

After a lot of crying and fears whirling through my mind I am happy to say that I found peace of mind and I was ready to fulfill my calling. There are callings that are given to people that are solely to benefit that individual. I believe that this is one of those callings. Maybe it is preparatory to the trails that are to come. Maybe it is the hill before the mountain. But I believe it will benefit me and will prepare me for what is to come. Whatever it may be I try to remember that without difficult tasks we cannot grow as an individual. Challenges are what make us better people. I am ready to be made into a better person. I am ready to let the Lord mold and shape me into the person I am supposed to be. I know that this will be a difficult calling especially for me but I believe that I was called for a reason and that I need to do this for myself. Not because the Bishopric asked me and I felt obligated but because I knew I needed to learn and grow to be able to get through the mountain I knew I would have to climb. I give my first lesson in about 3 weeks and I hope that there is someone out there that will get something out of my lesson besides me.